Insecure Narcissist

My name is Lauren, 17 years old. Everything else is irrelevant. I really want to go to the University of Chicago.
HOGWARTS
{ wear }

Flash-Toys
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Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion||||||||||||||||||||90%
Stability||||||||||||||||||||90%
Orderliness||||||||||||||56%
Accommodation||||||||||36%
Intellectual||||||||||||||||||||90%
Interdependence||||||30%
Mystical||||||||||||50%
Materialism||||||||||||||||70%
Narcissism||||||||||||||||||||90%
Adventurousness||||||||||||||||||80%
Work ethic||||||||||||||||||||90%
Conflictseeking||||||||||||||||||80%
Need to dominate||||||||||||||||||80%
Romantic||||||||||||50%
Avoidant||||||||||40%
Anti-authority||||||||||||50%
Wealth||||||||||40%
Dependency||||||||||||||||70%
Change averse||||||||||||||60%
Cautiousness||||||||||||||60%
Individuality||||||||||||||||70%
Sexuality||||||||||||||||||||90%
Peter pancomplex||||||||||||||||70%
Histrionic||||||||||||||||||80%
Vanity||||||||||||||||||||90%
Artistic||||||||||||||||||80%
Hedonism||||20%
Physicalfitness||||||||||||||||70%
Religious||10%
Paranoia||||||||||40%
Hypersensitivity||||||||||||||||||||90%
Indie||||||||||||50%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com
Factor low score high score
Gregariousness 70% quiet, reclusive engaging, socially bold
Sociability 74% withdrawn, hidden warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness 74% timid, gunshy controlling, aggressive
Poise 74% uneasy around others socially comfortable
Leadership 82% stays in background prefers to lead
Provocativeness 82% modest, plays it safe bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure 70% private, contained very open and revealing
Talkativeness 70% quiet, stealthy, invisible motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment 50% loves solitude prefers to be with others
Understanding 54% insensitive, schizoid respectful, sympathetic
Warmth 54% disinterested in others supportive, helpful
Morality 58% break/ignore the rules play by the rules
Pleasantness 62% aloof or disagreeable gets along with others
Empathy 62% out of tune w/ others in tune with others
Cooperation 30% competitive, warlike agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy 62% socially inconsiderate socially conscious
Tenderness 50% cold hearted, selfish warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance 58% self pleasing, me first people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness 78% reckless, unscheduled careful, planner
Efficiency 62% unreliable, lazy finisher, follows through
Dutifulness 54% leisurely, derelict strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness 54% inattentive, undisciplined prepared, focused
Organization 70% relaxed, oblivious detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness 58% impulsive, spendthrift restrained, cautious
Rationality 82% irrational, random direct, logical
Perfectionism 70% careless, error prone detail obsessed
Planning 66% disorganized, random scheduled, clean
Stability 66% easily frustrated calm, cool, unphased
Happiness 74% unhappy, dissatisfied self content, positive
Calmness 70% touchy, volatile even tempered, tolerant
Moderation 58% needs instant gratification easily delays gratification
Toughness 54% hypersensitive, moody thick skinned
Impulse Control 46% lacks self control maintains composure
Imperturbability 70% highly emotional emotionally contained
Cool-headedness 38% demanding, controlling accommodating
Tranquility 66% emotionally volatile emotionally neutral
Intellect 90% instinctive, non-analytical intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity 82% lacks new ideas innovative, novel
Reflection 86% unreflective, coarse art and beauty lover
Competence 86% slow to understand/think intellectual, brainy
Quickness 90% intellectually dependent intellectually independent
Introspection 78% not self reflective self searching
Creativity 86% dull headed synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination 78% practical, realistic dreamer, unrealistic
Depth 90% lacks curiosity mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Biking Adventures  
Type, damnit

(Source: joeljpgs)

filmsfoodandphotos:
“ Solo Cups: Knowledge
I was curious about the lines on solo cups the other weekend and learned something amazing. This information should be taught in an intro class to all high schoolers and college students.
It turns out that...

filmsfoodandphotos:

Solo Cups: Knowledge

I was curious about the lines on solo cups the other weekend and learned something amazing. This information should be taught in an intro class to all high schoolers and college students. 

It turns out that the lines of the solo cup allows you to measure out a shot, a glass of wine, and a beer. This would have been ridiculously helpful during my partying years!

pukingpearls:

colossalfake:

pukingpearls:

ithinkisawyouinmysleep:

Prolapsing my colon.

Old Man Gangbang

How did they know that one

I use that one on a regular basis

Fuck they found out about my sex barbecues.

And killing bum’s??? I thought that was a secret! We only do that on Wednesday’s! We have jackets!

(Source: giraffebones)

Anonymous asked: Did you see the fall drama?

lol a little late for this but yes

(Source: dresdencodak)

(Source: thornypaths-blog)

(Source: atheist-me)

pukingpearls:

californiajones:

sassyspadestier:

inboxwrites:

criminallyincompetent:

atraeathing:

goddessofcheese:

shewalkslikethunder:

gertymactacular:

A completely new way of waking.  An alarm clock that wakes you with pleasure.

The lowest settings are almost imperceptible. The Little Rooster does not wrench you from your sleep.  

Then the power slowly increases.  The Little Rooster wakes you gradually, sensually, tenderly.

What makes the Little Rooster really special is that delicious semi-conscious state when you’re not yet quite awake. Other alarms tear those precious moments from you. The Little Rooster not only lets you savour them, it makes them even dreamier.  Whether you leap straight out of bed or let it run its lazy course, no other clock will wake you with this joyful secret thrill.

Fits your body perfectly.  The Little Rooster curves comfortably around your pubic mound, inside your knickers but outside your body.  The wide flat head stabilises the Little Rooster against your pubic bone and is exceptionally thin for maximum comfort.  The vibrating leg rests against your clitoris and labia.  No part of the Little Rooster is worn internally.  

Most women become completely unaware of the Little Rooster within a minute of slipping it into their knickers.  Toss and turn and it will stay in place.  You can even walk around wearing your Little Rooster.  Can be soothing for long journeys.  Please do not use during take off and landing.

Fully personalisable.  Adjust how gently it starts, how intense it gets, the snorgasm level, how long it lasts.  The Little Rooster has thirty power levels, for precision pleasure.  The motors even run while you set them, so you can tell exactly how powerful the feeling will be.

Snooze.  The classic way to catch an extra wink.

Snorgasm.  A pleasure-snooze, as gentle as you wish. Lets you drift off and enjoy a ten-minute erotic slumber.

Play.  Slide the switch to ‘play’ and it’s a stunningly shaped variable speed two-motor pleasure toy.  Take control once you are awake - or whenever the mood takes you. 

Two motors for extra throb.  One motor feels great, two is something else. They interact with each other, throbbing, pulsating. If you’ve tried a dual motor pleasure toy before, you’re probably a convert. If you haven’t, you’re in for a treat.

And extra power.  The Little Rooster’s stimulation goes from butterfly to beast.  

Twenty seven silent settings.  Plus three extra powerful “turbo” levels.  For those moments when intensity is the the only thing that counts.

It is perfect for early risers. Waking you with pleasure, it bothers no-one else with noise.  The Little Rooster is the most considerate alarm clock in the world.  If only altruism were always this much joy.

And if you wear earplugs, or sometimes worry you won’t hear your alarm, the Little Rooster is ideal for you. 

Flat – not curved – where it counts.  Many pleasure toys are curved.  The Little Rooster’s base is flat.  Whether you are waking or enjoying an erotic break you will love the Little Rooster’s intimate closeness. 

Beautifully shaped from sensual polycarbonate.  One of the most beautiful, sensual production materials in the world, both in how it looks and how it feels.  You would almost want to put it down your knickers even if it didn’t vibrate.  And it looks so innocent it could be your bedside clock between uses.  You can even set it just to beep.  If you really want to.

Safe.  Fully tested against every eventuality.  And unlike many pleasure toys, the Little Rooster contains no phthalates.

Uses green PWM technology.  Designed to use less electricity.  Contains rechargeable batteries.

Patent Pending. Design Registered.  There is nothing else on earth like the Little Rooster.

Comes with a 30 day money back no quibble guarantee: Try it for a month. If you decide to part with it for any reason, return it to us and we will promptly refund the full purchase price as well as your cost of posting it back to us.  We believe that once you’ve tried the Little Rooster, you won’t want to wake any other way.

The Little Rooster.  Why wake any other way? 

image

image

Wait—

Is this—

I think it—

Yes.

Yes it’s an alarm clock for your vagina.

image

I’m pretty sure the icing on the cake is the fact that it charges via USB.

image

And here is a thing that I now want. 

I saw this several times on my dash and I thought it was a normal alarm without reading. Oh my god.

ngel it’d be nice to have someone wake me up with sex but this is like the next best thing.

give it to me

THIS IS NO LONGER AN ISSUE OF WANT

THIS IS AN ISSUE OF NEED

I NEED TO HAVE THIS RIGHT NOW OH SWEET JESUS

This is the most beautiful invention ever.

(Source: illegallysmol)

muchtoocynical:

abaldwin360:

When they say “evolution is just a theory”

Original Content! (I even drew the guy)

This.

Good evening, London. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, thereby those important events of the past usually associated with someone’s death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the 5th, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who’s to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you’re looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn’t be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent. Last night I sought to end that silence. Last night I destroyed the Old Bailey, to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice, and freedom are more than words, they are perspectives. So if you’ve seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you then I would suggest you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek, then I ask you to stand beside me one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament, and together we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever be forgot.

V

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