Insecure Narcissist

(Source: joeljpgs)

filmsfoodandphotos:

Solo Cups: Knowledge

I was curious about the lines on solo cups the other weekend and learned something amazing. This information should be taught in an intro class to all high schoolers and college students. 

It turns out that the lines of the solo cup allows you to measure out a shot, a glass of wine, and a beer. This would have been ridiculously helpful during my partying years!

pukingpearls:

colossalfake:

pukingpearls:

ithinkisawyouinmysleep:

Prolapsing my colon.

Old Man Gangbang

How did they know that one

I use that one on a regular basis

Fuck they found out about my sex barbecues.

And killing bum’s??? I thought that was a secret! We only do that on Wednesday’s! We have jackets!

(Source: giraffebones)

(Source: christinsanity-blog)

(Source: dresdencodak)

(Source: atheist-me)

abaldwin360:

Fuck that creationist bullshit about bananas.

pukingpearls:

californiajones:

sassyspadestier:

inboxwrites:

criminallyincompetent:

atraeathing:

goddessofcheese:

shewalkslikethunder:

gertymactacular:

A completely new way of waking.  An alarm clock that wakes you with pleasure.

The lowest settings are almost imperceptible. The Little Rooster does not wrench you from your sleep.  

Then the power slowly increases.  The Little Rooster wakes you gradually, sensually, tenderly.

What makes the Little Rooster really special is that delicious semi-conscious state when you’re not yet quite awake. Other alarms tear those precious moments from you. The Little Rooster not only lets you savour them, it makes them even dreamier.  Whether you leap straight out of bed or let it run its lazy course, no other clock will wake you with this joyful secret thrill.

Fits your body perfectly.  The Little Rooster curves comfortably around your pubic mound, inside your knickers but outside your body.  The wide flat head stabilises the Little Rooster against your pubic bone and is exceptionally thin for maximum comfort.  The vibrating leg rests against your clitoris and labia.  No part of the Little Rooster is worn internally.  

Most women become completely unaware of the Little Rooster within a minute of slipping it into their knickers.  Toss and turn and it will stay in place.  You can even walk around wearing your Little Rooster.  Can be soothing for long journeys.  Please do not use during take off and landing.

Fully personalisable.  Adjust how gently it starts, how intense it gets, the snorgasm level, how long it lasts.  The Little Rooster has thirty power levels, for precision pleasure.  The motors even run while you set them, so you can tell exactly how powerful the feeling will be.

Snooze.  The classic way to catch an extra wink.

Snorgasm.  A pleasure-snooze, as gentle as you wish. Lets you drift off and enjoy a ten-minute erotic slumber.

Play.  Slide the switch to ‘play’ and it’s a stunningly shaped variable speed two-motor pleasure toy.  Take control once you are awake - or whenever the mood takes you. 

Two motors for extra throb.  One motor feels great, two is something else. They interact with each other, throbbing, pulsating. If you’ve tried a dual motor pleasure toy before, you’re probably a convert. If you haven’t, you’re in for a treat.

And extra power.  The Little Rooster’s stimulation goes from butterfly to beast.  

Twenty seven silent settings.  Plus three extra powerful “turbo” levels.  For those moments when intensity is the the only thing that counts.

It is perfect for early risers. Waking you with pleasure, it bothers no-one else with noise.  The Little Rooster is the most considerate alarm clock in the world.  If only altruism were always this much joy.

And if you wear earplugs, or sometimes worry you won’t hear your alarm, the Little Rooster is ideal for you. 

Flat – not curved – where it counts.  Many pleasure toys are curved.  The Little Rooster’s base is flat.  Whether you are waking or enjoying an erotic break you will love the Little Rooster’s intimate closeness. 

Beautifully shaped from sensual polycarbonate.  One of the most beautiful, sensual production materials in the world, both in how it looks and how it feels.  You would almost want to put it down your knickers even if it didn’t vibrate.  And it looks so innocent it could be your bedside clock between uses.  You can even set it just to beep.  If you really want to.

Safe.  Fully tested against every eventuality.  And unlike many pleasure toys, the Little Rooster contains no phthalates.

Uses green PWM technology.  Designed to use less electricity.  Contains rechargeable batteries.

Patent Pending. Design Registered.  There is nothing else on earth like the Little Rooster.

Comes with a 30 day money back no quibble guarantee: Try it for a month. If you decide to part with it for any reason, return it to us and we will promptly refund the full purchase price as well as your cost of posting it back to us.  We believe that once you’ve tried the Little Rooster, you won’t want to wake any other way.

The Little Rooster.  Why wake any other way? 

Wait—

Is this—

I think it—

Yes.

Yes it’s an alarm clock for your vagina.

I’m pretty sure the icing on the cake is the fact that it charges via USB.

And here is a thing that I now want. 

I saw this several times on my dash and I thought it was a normal alarm without reading. Oh my god.

ngel it’d be nice to have someone wake me up with sex but this is like the next best thing.

give it to me

THIS IS NO LONGER AN ISSUE OF WANT

THIS IS AN ISSUE OF NEED

I NEED TO HAVE THIS RIGHT NOW OH SWEET JESUS

This is the most beautiful invention ever.

(Source: illegallysmol)

(Source: thisishangingrockcomics)

muchtoocynical:

abaldwin360:

When they say “evolution is just a theory”

Original Content! (I even drew the guy)

This.